yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
