and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
