using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
