Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm just crazy horny about you
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
