Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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