My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
