Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
