I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
