My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
