I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
