DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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