You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
