Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
