dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
