So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
