no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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