So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
