You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
