He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
