I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
