I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We smell like vodka and hangover
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