I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
