I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
