Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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