i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
