I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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