And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
