how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
