Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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