life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
