whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
