so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
