Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
