you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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