May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
