five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
