Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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