you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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