My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
