He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
