just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
