Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
