is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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