Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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