Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
