i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
