is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
