is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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