Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
