Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
