about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
