I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
