My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you traded sex for a burrito?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
