The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Still dying that you shit outside
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
