Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
ugly people sure do ruin things
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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