it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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