It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
are you so shy because you have an std?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
