I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
