Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
