i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I wear drunk well.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
